© 2019 by Deon Sanders.

"Healing the world, one heart at a time"

“People, Problems and Pain”

The human soul was designed with an innate need or desire to have relationships or be connected with other human souls or people. This need or instinct can either enhance our productivity or hinder it either way It is nearly impossible to live in this world without having connections to people.

The issues we face in life usually comes when our connections to those people are either unhealthy or the people are unhealthy and do not have the inward capabilities to impact our lives in positive/healthy ways that are significant enough for growth.

This usually looks like the people always coming to your table with empty plates and leave the dishes for u to wash...or the people that put you in situations that can be destructive to your life and your livelihood. Or those people who intentionally hurt us because they secretly hate us for being who we are.

It is very vital that we learn to prune our connections with these kinds of people and identify wether the connection is healthy or unhealthy. Whether they are adding value to u or taking value away from you. Whether they are helping you heal or hurting you deeper.

Your friends, family and other people in your life have influence over you and your decision making and if their intent isn’t good they can use this influence to manipulate or control you.

For example, my friends come to me for relationship advice all the time. Now in that moment I have the ability to give them advice to either stay, leave, work it out or whatever. Now if my intentions towards them wasn’t pure or if I secretly wanted their significant other I could easily taint the advice or twist the advice I’m giving to cause them to make a decision that would benefit me and not them but all the while present as if “I was being a friend”

Or you have people tell you lies and get you to trust them and then they broadcast your secrets or use things against you to elevate themselves and you are left stuck feeling depressed, sad, betrayed and used.

Or you have those who only deal with you because of the financial favor you have and once you stop giving out your coins they stop giving out their pseudo love and pseudo loyalty.

I experienced this first hand:

“I remember my first relationship when I moved to Atlanta, I was in school, had great credit, great self esteem, healthy view on life and good friends. I was a preachers kid, scholarship student, a few silver spoons but still plastic fork enough to understand the struggle.....Then because of the type of person I was in love with I allowed him to turn my strengths into weakness and I allowed him to change my mind on who I was and how valuable I was.

So I started engaging in activities that pleased him even though they went against my morals and values, wants and needs. As time went on I found myself arrested, incarcerated, dealing with being violently abused, emotionally abused, financially in ruins, a college drop out, hospitalizations, friendless, family less and I even felt God less at times. I was in a place where I didn’t love who I was or the quality of life I was living, I had been connected to poison and it was oozing out in every area of my life.

I had allowed my mind, body, heart and soul to be connected to someone, the wrong someone. I was connected to someone whose love required me to sacrifice who I was and the life I was destined to live. I was connected to a taker and not a co giver, I was connected to someone who was angry and selfish and so hurt inwardly that all he could do was hurt us outwardly. And no matter how many doors opened or blessings I received (because of who I was and where I came from, favor followed) but as long as I was connected to him, everything I did reaped pain and ashes”

That time of my life gave me the wisdom to see that the intended goal should be to connect with people beyond what feels good and stop labeling people as friends before you have successfully survived a conflict or disagreement. We have to stop giving people labels they don’t have the intent or capabilities to live up to. A booty call isn’t a boyfriend or a girlfriend, a live in partner isn’t a spouse, and a good time acquaintance isn’t a best friend. We have to see how they interact with existing family and friends. We have to have more patience with the processes of relationship building. We do things prematurely in this generation of relationships, dating and friendships which is why we see so much dysfunction and separation.

We have to learn to start getting to know people beyond their faces, body, dicks, asses and vagina. Beyond the “turn up”. And As appealing as the natural things are and should be; those physical attributes are only the clothing that covers the true identity of a person. And that true identity can only be found by uncovering the heart, mind and soul.

For It is the connections beyond the surface that binds us to the right people. And being bonded to the right people helps limit our life problems and helps us avoid unnecessary pain.